I dont want this wedding. Last week, happy and excited, this week empty and full of panic. No happy emotion whatsoever

Just written out the invites and all I can think is "who have I missed?" "who's going to be pissed off they arent invited?". Will I have lost enough weight I'll be comfortable with 30 people staring at me? Will they think its okay? Will.....?

If I have 30 wedding guests the receptions going to be a nightmare, cause then I have an additional amount that will come to the recpetion, cost is spiralling oput of control and I cant reign it back in. All because HIS FUCKING MOTHER pressured us into upgrading the room.

Pauls mums shouted me through twice to check over the inserts and give me her opinion as to what she does and doesnt like. Im not too fucking scunnered with the whole thing to care anymore. Conveniently Pauls away put, leaving me alone to deal with HER.

Friday night and this morning, I was so proud of the invites, me and Kat took a fair of time and effort designing and making them. From Pauls mum they got a brief nod and "hmmm. very nice" and its left me totally deflated. Its now easier to agree and let her ride roughshod over the entire day than it is to make comment, otherwise she makes my life fucking hell.

To be honest I'll be very surprised if it gets as far as June the 6th. Happiest day of my life, NOT.

totally empty regards the wedding, and the rest of me thinks "screw it, catatonia is better than this shite"

Away to get pished and pray for antidepressants from the doctors tomorrow. Drunkeness beckons. I wish this would all go away.