Well nothing much going on at the moment, Looking forward to the weekend when there shall be, a Miso banquet, most main courses are £3.

Paul tells me he loves me but Im still feeling detatched at the moment, from mostly everything. I m tired though, and I think thats contributing towards the way Im feeling.

I wish I had a TV in the bedroom. Think I'll half inch the lappy for bedroom watchery,

On the upside my open University Course stuff came through today, and the best part is I can offset my ILA Scotland allowance against the course and the remaining £325 is coming from my bonus this year, which means all in, all things going well, this time next year I'll be back at university.

Huzzah!

Sometimes I think I like to work continually, because if I work all the time, and so tired I can barely stand up, that it stops me from being still and having the time to think and worry things over. I am a worrier. I worry that I cant have Kids, I worry that I will have kids, I worry that I cant keep a pet for any length of time, I worry about getting a pet, I worry that I work too hard. I worry that my time of being me is over. I think thats the main thing that gets me down, I dont feel like me anymore. This isnt me. I was happiest when I was 19, do I accept that things are never going to be that way again and try to adapt to this new me? Or do I change everything in the hope that I can at least have some of the old me back? But what if, in changing I lose everything that I have just now? I've worked so very hard to get to where I am just now, house (used to be in homeless hostel), job (at least I have the option of not having to work two jobs) and a husband who protests he does love me but albeit in a reserved and sort of half hearted and disinterested way

Im scared if it goes wrong I'll lose it all.

I know he loves me or he wouldnt have married me. Would he......?