The fates taunt me

At a time of year where I already feel low due to past and current events, life decides to step up and order an extra side of pain, misery and loss.

I thought self-denial at the time was a good thing, but now I don't want to go through it all again. Two for two Marri.

I'm utterly terrified of the constant pattern of loss. So I'm bereft at the thought of it happening again.

I'm feeling it hard at the moment. Even though if anyone asks its a shrug and a "What can you do? What could I have done?", but I'm feeling it.

This will make no sense to anyone bar a couple of people. And that's fine. I just don't want anything at the moment. And call yourself a friend? Why make plans and then not bother to show? Fine. I'd rather know how the ground lies this way. Ram your fucking "friendship".