IDIOT ALERT! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!

"Hello Marri-Louise. Can you tell us what preperation you have made for today?"

"I'm sorry I don't understand the question"
"How have you prepared for today"
"Well I ironed my clothes. Seriously I took a "dry run" on the bus a few days before to know where I was going, how I would get there and factored in some extra traffic time. I made a back up plan in case the bus didn't show."
"Did you practice any questions?"
"No. Not because I'm unconcerned about the interview but because when I rehearse or plan I tend to sound scripted. The result of that is that I think it's hard to come across as enthusiastic about something if you have been learning it by rote for the past few weeks and I would like you to see my answers, hopefully like them but also recognise the enthusiasm and passion I have for this area."

Which was a bit of a lie.
So. Planned my answer to the question about "Why do you want to be a nurse?" as its the only one that I could be confident they would ask.

Decided that they would like to hear about how I have weighed up the profession, was aware of the low status, difficulties dealing with difficult patients, but I felt it was a rewarding career rather than a job, scope for progression and lifelong learning due to constant changes and advances in care. I felt that no two days would be the same, wide variety of work, and an opportunity for personal growth within an ever expanding and redefining itself sector.

So they ask me.

I freeze

" I want to be a nurse because I feel on a personal level I can make a difference. I deeply care about people, I empathise with them and if I can make them better or even make them more comfortable by providing care then it's what I'm going to aim for. Its because I care passionately about this and the people I'd be caring for that I want to be a nurse"

This folks is why I'm a fucktard . But it gets better. Oh yes, because their next question was "Well if you care that much why haven't you pursued a career in a care environment on the past 7 years as a care assistant?". Here is where I excel myself.

"Well I'll be honest because I think that you would value the honesty and I'm a rotten liar. The money. Care Assistant's don't get paid enough, and as the full theory behind me finding a job full time was that I would be saving money to come back here, and as my husband was in and out of work at the time £10K a year wasn't going to pay for rent, bills, support both of us at time and facilitate saving to come back. So I had a choice to make, and that was take a higher paid job for a reduced length of time and save quicker, or a lower paid job, which although I would enjoy, wouldn't pay enough and it would take me longer to return to university. Them life got in the way. We got a mortgage, we moved house and we got married, but even though I got sidetracked I never lost sight of the end result, which was to save the £5K needed to return to nursing. I'm here now and I'm proud of that"

At the time just couldn't stop yapping. And now I've convinced myself that that I have fucked the entire thing up. I'm an idiot. A complete fucking idiot.

It's Blue. That is all.

"We won't need gloss. The skirting's white"

No. We've dicovered its not white. Its the bastard lovechild of cream and magnolia.

So painted the skirting. Which means I've had to paint the door frame. Which means Im covered in gloss.

I've drawn the line at the door.

Lifted the lino to lay the new tiles. Only to discover a HeeeeYUUUUGE damp patch from where the waters ran behind the lino and soaked the floor. So now we have to wait for that to dry before we can lay the lovely black tiles.

Paul makes rubbish coffee.

I think the walls are still blue. I'm trying not to think about it. **sobs**

Fuckin Blue.

I wanted grey walls. Black granite/slate floor. white and black accessories.

The tin looked grey. The swatch looked grey. Check the swatch and the tin match?
Check the dulux room builder online? Still looks grey. Patch test - Looks grey.

Grey or gray?

Then WHY THE FUCK ARE MY WALLS FUCKING BLUE?!?!

Bastard. I'm waiting til it dries, and if its still blue. I AM going to cry,

Great. Fucking Great.

Do you know what. Just don't bother.

On a side note today I bought the smallest denim baby shorts I've ever seen. Eeeeeeee! Oh and a green halterneck summer dress for a Morgan.

My exams in 2 hours

Oh God.
Oh fuck.

I wish....

1. I could dance
2. I could touch my toes
3. I knew how life was going to turn out 5 years down the line
4. I knew if I am missed
5. I knew if I was noticed
6. I could fly
7. I believed in God
8. I was smarter
9. I had collarbones (visible)
10. I had more hair

One year down.

I did have a post here about it being our anniversary. One year down, less time for murder etc

But my husband objected to its content (oh sorry the tone) so I've removed it.

I'll post more later when he isn't looking.

Happy Anniversary Zaz.

I got an interview

Wed 27th June.

It is ON!

This is personality type 8

your Enneagram type is EIGHT (aka "The Challenger").

"I must be strong"

Asserters are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

How to Get Along with Me

• Stand up for yourself... and me.
• Be confident, strong, and direct.
• Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.
• Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
• Give me space to be alone.
• Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.
• I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.
• When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.

What I Like About Being a EIGHT

• being independent and self-reliant
• being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
• being courageous, straightforward, and honest
• getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
• supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
• upholding just causes

What's Hard About Being a EIGHT

• overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to
• being restless and impatient with others' incompetence
• sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
• never forgetting injuries or injustices
• putting too much pressure on myself
• getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when things don't go right

EIGHTs as Children Often

• are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
• are sometimes loners
• seize control so they won't be controlled
• figure out others' weaknesses
• attack verbally or physically when provoked
• take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings

EIGHTs as Parents

• are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted
• are sometimes overprotective
• can be demanding, controlling, and rigid

Self Searching a go-go

Scarily accurate personality test.

I am a 8
Paul is a 5

which would explain why we drive each other mental when we fight. We are apparently quite mis-matched it would seem. Oh and while we're at it (no pun intended) try this one too, I found it was quite accurate to a large degree with matter of the lovin'

Sex me!

How the hell can I still be tired?

I'm still knackered. Seriously. Thats like a month of being fucked. Or not as I'm too tired.

Chucked up twice at work today. Came home and feel into bed, after a few hours got up and made Paul his dinner, vegged on couch with a blanket and coffee. Have lost 4lbs since Tuesday. Not worried though as will resolve itself like last time.

My flexi is circling the drain as I'm just either fed up with work or too tired to stay.

Got news re the future of my office today. Its not great, more on that another time though. Still not heard anything back re the nursing and I'm starting to get despondent. St Johns Worth not making a noticeable difference, but I'm feeling less "FUCK YOU!!!" than I was, so its maybe a build up thing.

Question. Say you really like Ice cream, but your husband doesn't so much. So one of your friends is going out for Ice cream. They tell you they are going for ice cream. Would you like to have been invited for ice cream? Just saying like.