Moist

So went to see 300.

Big rippling muscle bound men, killing people.

Wearing nothing but pants and a cape.

Going to go see it again. Brill

Busy Buzzy Bee!!!

Where to start this week?

Fucking hectic. Not had time to do much at all this week, which is why I spent today before chinese tidying the house. Not bad considering I only had 4 hours to do it in.

Got sent home early last night, due to a constant low nausea all day, and a horrid metallic taste it my mouth (honestly tated like I was sucking tin foil). Add to that general tiredness. I ate some pasta at lunchtime and drank water the rest of the day. Just wasnt hungry. Just thirsty. The result of which meant i was weeing all day. And night. Wait a minute... nausea, metallic taste, frequent peeing, tender boobs, low energy.. pregnancy symptoms?

So got sent home at 10. Bricking it, did a pregnancy test, negative, stopped bricking it, fell asleep for 2 hours until Paul got in. Chatted for a whole 15- 20 minutes andwent to bed. Slept for a good 10 - 11 hours straight. Feel loads better. Think I've just been overly tired from work, plus more work and studying. Or I could be diabetic (Mum's diabetic as she will delight in telling everyone, and also try to pin any sort of ill-health or event on my as yet undiagnosed but underlying diabetes " Ah wisnae diagnosed till I was in my 40's. They missed it with me for years. Years!!"). Or I could just be tired and a hypochondriac. Who knows?

Ive lost 3lbs this week without trying, not really that hungry when munching, today I made homemade rolls, and I had a roll and potato scone and a cup of coffee. Thats all I had all day until home from the chinese when I had some singapore fried rice. Long may it last. Its nice not to have constant gnawing hunger and thoughts about feeding.

Watched some Metalocalypse. And soon its away to bed. Have a OU essay due on Wednesday, then I have to start studying all 7 block for the exam in June in addition to another two TMA's. This had better be worth it.

Oh aye, and uni phoned. Looks like I should (all going well) have an interview in May.

Not suitable for those with an IUD you say?

Its here, its good. So good that after the experimental shot we noticed a small black ball on the flat part of the insert.

Upon closer inspection we realise its my ball from my clit piercing, quick check informs us that its actually so strong it had vibrated out my piercing. Other two still intact thankfully,

And that was it on half speed.

I have a feeling Im going to be spending a lot of time at home....

One day to go! (maybe)

cleared customs (i think checking for sure tomorrow)

Then it is here - you are of course cordially invited to come see

Im so excited.

Fuck yer gym memberships, thats my exercise for the year sorted! It is marked as a deluxe exercise machine to get through customs,,,

Happy fuckin days

On a scale of 1 - 10

I think my latest order from t'interweb scores a 10.

Its a surprise so I cant post here in case Paul reads. . .

But its good. Oh yes....

Sigh

You just know its a bad sign when you try to kiss your husband, just because you know you love him and shit and you realise that you havent kissed properly for ages, and he looks at you funny and you realise that he's just taking it. Not responding, oh no he's just taking it.

Fuck this Im away to bed.

Should have accepted that fucking phone number. I dont mean that really... he just gets me so frustrated.

Diet Trials day 1

Slimfast. Oh Joy.

Im hoping this will break my eating problem spiralling out of control.

And it is, Im actually jealous of anorexics. Thats a bit sick. I know when you are anorexic and your body starts breaking down muscle to survive, it doesnt differentiate between the different types of muscle, and starts to attack your heart. But at the back of my head theres that wee naggig voice saying "But your heart would be fine, you'd be able to stop in time, and your not anorexic because you're not thin, you're just dieting...."

And then I realise just how many problems Im creating for myself and get a grip.

Scary though, and its scary to realise just how easy it would be to slip into that midset.

Its all over over over

I think its all falling apart course wise and long term plan wise.

I'll know in two weeks if Im in or out. If in then whoo. If out (and my gut feeling is im out) then its back to the drawing board and I have no fucking idea what Im going to do,

None at all.

Its like my entire reason for trying anything has gone, I actually feel quite depressed. Fuckity

Oh James... Tell me more

Oh and I would seriously pump James Spader.

The man has a voice that just.... Oh I would. Hard.

Sometimes I like to watch his stuff with my eyes shut. Oh yes.

Tourettes

SHENANIGANS!!!! FUCK BAWS BASTARD SHITE!!! WANKRAG.

On a seperate note I got my teams stats/target for the week today. On my own. Yes, I rock.

Cue accusations of cheating and cutting corners tomorrow at work.

Im going to bed soon as potentially have a big day tomorrow work wise, Christ Im so fucking old.

Oh and Pauls in Belfast. Pffffff

Jester... or Smokey Robinson?

What to do? Try to juggle too much and you risk dropping all the balls.

Still drunk when I arrived at work this morning. Horrible. Reminds me of why I dont drink that often.

After chundering everywhere at work. Twice. Sobered up, did my day left at 3.

I bought Cashew Nut Butter, gonna go have a big cup of sweet tea goodness, and think about dinner.

Oh and sent the CATCH form away with an amended reference to explain the no DWP reference in the reference situation, so hopefully this will be okay. Fingers crossed

I'll give you red tape....

CATCH form was returned today because my reference is not suitable

Needs to be not form a friend or relative. So I get my line manager to write it, problem is line managers in the DWP arent allowed to write work references, so she signed it colleague.

CATCH now says its not suitable, it needs to be work based not friend, but I cant get that with the criteria they have required....

What the fuck am I supposed to do?

I cant do anything about it til Monday, so Ill call them and try to explain the situtation then.

I bought 2 new bras today. I am chebtastic. Hoisted and holstered with more underwiring and support than the Forth Road Bridge. Post your cleavage post here I come..... Not....

Shattered

Im so tired. Im actually weary, approaching exhaustion, I think this is burn out time approaching.

Sent CATCH form away to universities on Monday, hopefully they will read, and invite me for interview, that way I wont feel the two jobs, plus studying has been in vain.

I know its not been in vain per se, but I need to know its towards something. I so afraid of failing that its tempting to never try.

I feel I have a finite amount of time. I know we all have a finite amount of time, but I have this pressing need to DO something, to make a difference, to sacrifice, to push and to acheive.

Hopefully I will be interviewed, found acceptable and then start the next three years come September. Im so nervous but at the same time quietly hopeful, not quite confident Im just trying to have a bit of faith in me. I've worked so hard now and I need this.

Have you ever wanted something so much you can taste it? I honestly dont know what I'll do if I dont get it. I just dont know.

On a less needy and quite frankly psychotic note. Happy Birthday Paul - 27 today. Yer getting auld man, gettin' auld. ;0)