I'm finding it so hard to get motivated about anything at the moment.
I'm actually getting to the stage of accepting my weight. That's how bad it is. Then I'm having a manic moment of "I want to lose weight NOW", and that too will pass in a short time/few minutes, and I'm back to not really caring one way or another.
It's not the same as being depressed. I'm not angry, raging, weepy, or anything. I don't feel down, I don't feel a great weight/lethargy, I just feel... dry.
Dry is really the only way to describe the sheer emptiness of how I feel. I feel okay, I'm not upset about it, I just feel... Oh I don't know. I find it impossible to get worked up about anything. Usually subjects that would have me ranting at the world and its injustices are being met with a shrug and an "ah well". I even knocked back pumpin'. Twice.
Its like I'll start eating my dinner, get about halfway through it and think, "I don't really want this anymore". So I'll start watching TV, get a bit through the program and wander off to do something else. Say dishes. So I'll start the dishes, get some of them done and decide "I'll leave the rest" and wander away leaving the sink full of water.
Previously where I would try to balance 1 full time job, a part time job and study, and try and fit everything else in between, life was a huge juggling act. I'm not sure how I could manage that now. It all seems like so much of an effort.
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